A Letter to That Guy

Dear "That Guy",

Please, for the love of God, don't wear that corduroy sports jacket out. You already look like a douche bag. You've slicked down your Jew-fro into something that could only be classified as pseudo European. Not to mention, you look like the byproduct of Andre the giant and the hunchback of Notre dame. Honestly, this look is not for you. Let the Jew-fro go, buddy. Don't keep it bottled down with hair products. That thing's got to breathe man.

Only the coolest people can pull off the sport jacket with a tee-shirt underneath. A category which you've never seen before. Hell, I don't even know if I could pull it off. Although the only time you'd catch me in a sport coat is when I have matching pants and that's when we call it a suit. I have no idea who put this idea in your head but kill them before they destroy humanity, even if that person is you.

Look, you suck and everyone knows it, but it's not too late. Just wear something that makes sense for you and you'll be fine. There's someone out there for everyone. It doesn't matter if she can't fully close her mouth. You wore a corduroy jacket once. Who the hell are you to judge?