The Night of Knights

Lately, I've been hearing a lot of morning radio ads while I drive into work for Medieval Times. Every time one comes on, I can't help but laugh, thinking about my own Medieval Times experience. As group events go, it was one hell of a time and I would highly recommend to anyone remotely considering it. We dressed up in robin hood/middle age costumes, got drunk and spent a good two or three hours yelling and eating. I think we throughly embarrassed every knight out there, including our own. Se manifik, no?

The only detriment was the need to carefully curb the cursing and watch what was said. There were children around who's mothers wouldn't appreciate their son or daughter's first words to be "fucking cunt". So, to help out if you ever decide to go, I felt the need to compile a list of family friendly (kinda) insults to hurl at the opposing knights to rob them of their manhood and generally demoralize them.

"Your lance looks flaccid and unused."

"If Chaucer wrote a book of prose about you it would have to be called 'The Canterbury Turds'"

"Way to go, Sir Lancenot!"

"I flogged your chamber maid."

"I haven't a seen a beating like that since Anne Boleyn."

"You call yourself a knight? You look more like a stable boy to me."

"Put down that sword and go back to playing your lute, page."

"Looks like there's been a barbarian invasion in your pantolunes, and someone's lost his head."

"You must have invented feudalism because you certainly are the master of it."

"I didn't see you on the Crusades, it sure was nice of daddy to get you into the provincential guard."

"I heard they call your sister 'the black death' because she puts so many good men on their backs."

"You're the biggest villager I've ever seen."

"You're lady-in-waiting is no longer waiting. I gave her what she what she was waiting for last night."

"The last time I saw a horse that sickly, it was your sister."

"Your horse smells like a goat."

"I heard the other knights talking outside the castle and they said your horse is small."

Ok, that's it. Enjoy.