The Lack of Scare

Lately, I've been jonesing(?) to watch a good scary movie. The problem is that I don't feel like they make good scary movies any more. What happend to the good old days of freddy, jason, Aliens, and The Shining? Sure, some of those aren't technically good movies, but the first time I saw them I was scared shitless. I can still vividly remember, while in middle school, sitting in the basement of Adam's house, the lights turned off with nothing to see by but the glow of the television, watching New Nightmare. We had seen it earlier that year at the movies, snuck into the theater after our movie had ended, and it still terrorized my dreams for years to come. Gremlins scared me for life. I couldn't go into a room without the lights being on. I'd take the first steps into my dark bedroom with trepidation, working my way with trembling hands and unstead footsteps towards the light switch, each night before I got into bed. It was/is awesome.

However, now, I feel like no movie can strike that type of fear in me and, being realistic, I don't expect them to. I'm older now and things, especially movies, shouldn't effect me as much as they did when I was a kid. Maybe it's not the movies then, it's me. I guess the movies always sucked - that freddy was more laughable than scary, that "it" looks more like a retarded clown on acid than he did evil, that the special effects of the 80's looked like something a D&D kid constructed in his backyard - but despite all that, I still feel like they had a quality that's lacking today. Everything today is all about gore, bloody and carnage. I'm sure it gives the special effects and makeup artist boners every time they get hired for a modern slasher flick, but a good horror movie needs more than just a lot of blood, it needs a good story, with suspense, action and a little humor thrown in for good measure. Today's horror movie script consists of "Man covered in blood runs around aimlessly (or not?) with knife" printed over and over for 200 pages. Or, if for some outlandish reason they do try to come up with a plot, it: a) is so obvious you know what's going to happen after the opening credits or b) has so many preposterous twists that any chance at believablity is blown away like Nagasaki.

Of course, there are always exceptions like the Scream trilogy, Texas Chainsaw Massacre (only because of Jessica Biel in a wife beater), Leprechaun 4: In Space and most of the movies based on Stephen King novels. A good horror movie needs a good story to go with it, which in turn requires a good writer to write the script or novel. The problem must therefore be a short fall of good writers in the genre. Someone needs to step up, put M. Night Shamalamalama back on the bus next to the guy who coughs all the time with the one crazy eye, and write something intelligent, witty, scary, and/or suspenseful. We need an Albert Hitchcock for the twenty-first century. He's got to be out there somewhere, I just hope he shows up soon. At least Stephen King keeps churning out books like a well oiled machine. A giant, man eating, van beating, carpet munching machine. Go Stephen! Go!