Calc This!

I need someone to do this and report back to me.

I'm intrigued with regards to the equations the author of this webservice, obviously Einstein, has derived to solve the age old question of who is your soulmate. I would do it myself but I lack the virus protection on my home computer and big brass balls. I'm afraid it would come back with something like "Billy the Goat" and honestly I've never really liked goats. I can't say I had a lot of experience with them but I feel like they're naturally bad creatures. In fact, the last time I saw a picture of goat, I screamed like a girl it scared me so bad. It's kind of like Asian people.

Please, someone with the willpower of a sea otter and the intellegence of a drunken goose, use the calculator and let me know how it turns out. I need to know who my soulmate is but I don't want to be the first one to find out. I like to follow the crowd, not lead it. Hey, you might be surprised to find out that your soulmate is the lamp in your living room you've been sitting next to for the last year. You'll thank me when you're starting your family of lamps with human hands and one all seeing eye.

Shout out to the exlamation point! Woot!!