Turkey Day

Apologies for the lack of posts lately. Between work and Nano I haven't had a lot of time or the will write too much. Putting down 2,000 words a night for a novel can pretty well exhaust the creative energies if you know what I mean. Speaking of the novel, things are going really well. I actually like my book, which is odd since I tend to hate everything I create. It's actually come very easily and I feel like I'll at least come out of this thing a better writer. I think it's taken awhile for me to find my voice but I'm getting there. Look for the book in your local book stores sometime early next summer.


Switching gears. Something frightening happend to me last night that's happend before, recently in the last couple of months, but that I thought I had left behind after halloween. I got another fucked up magic hat no. 9. I know, this is getting ridiculous. What's happening to one of my favorite beers? The first messed up magic hat was purchased at Kirby's during a lovely authentic chinese dinner with a few of my closest friends. The bottle seemed normal and unassuming. There were no outward signs of the trouble brewed within. I put the bottle to my lips and took a swig and my mouth immediately filled with so many bubbles I struggled to swallow. At first, I thought it was me and that my siliva had somehow become chemically reactive with beer, making the consumption of alcohol all but impossible. I almost pissed myself as the weight of that consequense would have been unbearable. I took another swig and the same thing happend. I held the beer out toward my friend and asked him to try it. He did and came to the same conclusion. I was relieve to no end that it was the beer and not myself. I don't know what happend to that beer but it had turned to seltzer water at some point in its creation. I kindly asked Linda for another bottle and she obliged, as she loves us. Then, last night, I reach into the basement refrigerator to get another bottle from the case of magic hat I had bought last weekend. I pull out the bottle, grab the bottle opener and quickly move to open the beer. When the bottle opener touched the bottle cap, the bottle cap sluffed off the bottle and dropped to the floor. I stood in utter amazement. There's no way I'm that strong. I hadn't worked out in weeks. I gently took a sip of the beer, making sure I didn't crush the bottle in my hand accidently. Totally flat. Apparently, the cap had never been properly secured, leaving me weak and one beer down. I pour the flat beer down the kitchen sink and threw the bottle and cap away. How depressing. I should write Magic Hat a letter, telling them of the injustices that have befallen me at the hand of their beer. Maybe they'd give me a free keg.


So I'm 25, right? Shouldn't I be in the prime of my athletic life? Shouldn't my body be filled out, strong, flexible and full of life? I feel like I'm 80. Every day I wake up and something else hurts besides my head. Here's a list of my current ailments:

1) Sprained MCL in my right knee. This one's not too bad. I did it while playing soccer two fridays ago after a happy hour at which I consumed way to many beers. Drunken soccer can be fun, but not when it's actually a competative game. The fact that the field was muddy didn't help anything and it was all I could do to stay on my feet. I didn't even know I had done anything to my knee that night but I couldn't walk the next morning. I'm still not sure exactly how I did it. It's getting better but it needs to be fully healed before football starts in two weeks.

2) I broke a blood vessel in my head from the same soccer game. I was throwing myself around a little too much. I had forgotten how much these things hurt. It's almost two weeks and I can still feel it.

3) My left elbow aches. I'm right handed. I don't use my left hand for anything. This one makes no sense and the only thing I can think of is that I broke it back in middle school skateboarding down a grass hill and maybe the change in the weather got to it. It's never done the change in the weather thing before though, so I don't know.

4) My upper right pectoral seems to be damages, inflamed, maybe missing. It's just a sore spot that's making moving my right arm and breathing slightly painful. It just showed up yesterday. I haven't worked out in the month of November. This makes no sense.

It's painfully apparent that my body hates me, but I can't figure out why. The only body part that has a legitamate gripe would be the liver and it's not even complaining. Or at least I haven't turned yellow yet. I shouldn't be dealing with random injures like this. If this is me now, what's it going to be like at 40? or 60? I'm not even going to go farther than that as I'm not sure I want to live that long. It gives me even greater respect for those individuals who are fortunate enough to play professional sports. I'm suprised they can even get out of bed in the morning without assistance.


Alright, I'm out, but I just wanted to say happy thanksgiving to everyone out there in internet land. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of the year simply because it's all about eating without the hassle and expense of buying gifts. I like getting gifts and giving gifts, but the thought of going to the mall makes me want to puck my guts up. Easter is a close second but thanksgiving beats it on quality of food and thanksgiving's lack of religious affiliation. Good luck with the tryptophan induced comas, everyone. As a thanksgiving present, anyone who reads this, please leave a comment. I get so few. I promise I'll post more often after Nano is over in December.