Fun with Ninjas

I'm throwing my hat in the ring. That's right, I believe I'm the father of Anna's baby girl. I should be the one to care for her, love her and whittle away her inheritance on drugs and wild sex orgies. She is going to get that money, right? It's a done deal then? Cause I don't want the kid without the money.

How did it happen? you may ask. Well, not that I want to admit to having sex with that fug beast but there are times in my life that I can't account for. For instance, I tend to sleep every day. Do I know what's going on in the world while I'm doing it? Hell, no! Not to mention, on more than one occasion I have gotten wasted at a party, blacked out and then passed out. Whose to say Anna wasn't waiting in the bushes, hopped up on trimspa and meth, ready to pounced with the skill and cunning of a cheetah onto my limp and unconscious body, ravaging me time and again as I dreamed of healthy good looking girls with large natural breasts and great asses. Whose to say she wasn't there every time I blacked out. I've been told I'm better drunk. I could have impregnated her any one of those times.

Personally, my favorite explanation involves no "sex" at all. And I do think this is THE one, since to my knowledge I continue to live crab free. Sometime in the night, approximately fifteen months ago, ninjas broke into my room. They gased me and tied me up, because no one can sneak up on Calitri, not even a ninja. Then they had a girl from an Asian massage parlor extract a sample of my sperm using the happy ending technique - they are clever aren't they? Next, they tracked the breast known only as "Anna" and placed the sample of my sperm somewhere inside "her" where it coupled with an egg of unknown origin to produce this "child". Naturally, I paid the ninja team a hansom sum up front and promised the rest when the inheritance came in. They said it was the easiest job they'd ever done. I came in under five and they didn't even have to sneak around "Anna". They said she just rolled around a lot, smelled a little funny and moaned/breathed once every twenty minutes. According to them the hardest part was finding their way out of the cave.

I know what you're thinking, Why use a highly trained ninja team? Well I'll tell you, plausible deniability. No one ever suspects a highly trained ninja team because most of the time you don't even know that they're there. Plus, the polar bears were too expensive.