Put That One in the Win Column

Let me go on record as saying this year's Opening day festivities were off the proverbial hook. Despite the slightly frigid, mostly sunless weather, the crowd was large and ruckus. Thousands of people milling, swaying and drinking to music blasting over the loudspeakers. Hundreds of meaningless drunken conversations simultaneously chattering away the day. Strippers hanging out of second story windows, showing off their ample racks and throwing t-shirts to the jeering masses below. Beer flowed from four dollar cans like the gold it was priced as. And that was just pregaming.

Once inside the stadium, two things kept the good times going in a big way. First and most importantly, the Orioles, being the gracious crowd-pleasers that they weren't last year, decided to win a game. And win convincingly, I might add. A quality pitching performance is a thing of beauty to watch and a rarity inside the gated confines of Camden Yards. Gates, speaking of, that we only paid $12.50 a piece to enter. Because of my unyielding wisdom when it comes to these things, I wisely purchased standing room only tickets online the second I heard the game was sold out. They don't sell STO tickets before game day otherwise. Mr. J took over from there, instantly transforming our cheap seats into lower box seats in left field before the third inning. He's just so damn crafty. If he were a girl, that Beastie Boys song would have been written about him.

Even the post game activities pulled together to form. I didn't have to drive home, meaning I was sufficiently drunk by the time we went to Thirsty Dog for beer and pizza. I'm sure I ingested enough alcohol over the course of the day to kill at least three small dogs. Unfortunately, there weren't any small dogs present in the bar at the time to test my theory. Either way, a few more beers and a belly full of pizza later, I was fit to be put to bed. The day was complete and I could sleep the heavy sleep of a drunkard without worry.

Have no fears my friends. I didn't forgo my responsibilities and skip a running session. Opening day was on Monday, an off day, and I was back to hitting the pavement yesterday. I actually have off today too so I was thinking I might go buy a yak and have Mr. Hands sodomize it. Wait...wait? Where did that come from? Anyway, I hope everyone is enjoying a good hump day. But not like that. Animal sex just ain't right boss.