Drunk Drivin' is What I Like to Do - Sublime

I haven’t gone on a rant in a while so here it goes. Why the fuck can’t people fuckin’ drive? It’s a simple question. There must be an answer. But here I am, stuck on the highway with idiots who have not a clue as to what they’re doing. Something has to be done.

Proposition 1:

If you’re a woman you should have to take a driving test once a year. Honestly, and I’m generalizing here, women have no concept of spatial placement. No ability to judge distance, speed or the lay of the land at all. A test once a year would at least weed out the really bad ones because there’s no way they get lucky every year. I’ll give a little leeway to young girls who just got their drives license because all young people suck at driving anyway. I’ve made some stupid mistakes behind the wheel when I was younger, its part of maturing as a driver. But when you never mature, it’s time to pull the plug. I’ve seen so many minivan driving soccer moms driving like assholes lately, it’s amazing. You’ve got a kid in the car for the love of god! Don’t pull out into oncoming traffic without looking, damn it! If not for me, then do it for the kids, and stop driving. I apologize to the ladies for this prop ahead of time. You rev my engine but damn it if you can't drive a car.

Proposition 2:

If you can’t maintain a consistent speed on the highway, you should have your license revoked. Look, if you’re on the highway, go whatever speed you like, but if someone wants to pass you, don’t take it as an insult and speed up to try to block them out, just let it go, for the love of Christ. I just don’t understand why someone passing you in the slow lane of two lane highway, when you’re in the fast lane, is a serious offense. The only offense committed is that you shouldn’t have been in the fast lane to begin with, you ignorant prick. Trying to block me from getting back in the fast lane after I’ve passed you will do nothing but raise my ire and probably get you the finger. In my experience, this isn’t as big of a problem in Baltimore as it is in Southwest Virginia and if my al mamater wasn’t there, I would nuke the whole place.

Proposition 3:

If you don’t understand proper road signals or common traffic safety rules, maybe you should just walk. It’s 8:30 pm and I’m headed home from class. There’s a one lane bridge by my house on the way home, so I pull up to it at the same time that a car traveling the other direction reaches the bridge. In a jester of good driving and common courtesy I flash my headlights to tell him/her to go ahead and cross the bridge. Instead of moving, the bastard flashes me back. I made the first move…just do what I say. You’re wasting both our time. There’s a four way stop by my house that’s the same way, except that it has the opposite problem. Someone always goes when it’s not their turn. For the love of god just pay attention to who got there first and who’s to you right and everything while be fine. Oh, but your right, beeping and stopping in middle of the intersection or cutting someone off is a much better use of everyone’s time. Maybe there should be no four-way stops for the simple fact that people can't handle them. Maybe, just to make it so that everyone can handle the road, all four-way intersection should be lights or traffic circles. I know it sucks for those of us who can drive but sometimes you have to play to the idiotic masses.

Sidenote:

The game that Tom Hank’s character in Big plays at the beginning and then near the end is King’s Quest. It took me all day yesterday to figure that out.