New Issue

Two things for today.


I understand the need for advertising on web pages. You just wanted to make a little money off the web space you probably got for free. I'm totally fine with that. It's the American dream. It seems there are a couple of groups providing the advertisements to many different websites. Adsense - what blogger uses - is one of these companies. I don't put ads on my site because really, what's the point. I'd get two sense a week for the ten hits I get. Not a whole lot of sense in doing that.

Each of these companies has certain ads that they're paid to run and stream to the websites in their network. Again, a smart idea and it works great. No problems there. However, when one of these companies has a banner ad to run that's made up of half-naked girls bending over with the soundtrack of a woman moaning, we have a problem. Especially since I get this ad on multiple sites. Look, half naked girls bending over for a personal ad which only a loser would fall for is fine. In fact, I applaud the gratuitous use of objectified women to sell a product. But for the love of God, make it a silent ad.

As soon as that clip starts playing over home/work computer speakers or a stereo system every guy with a girlfriend, wife, boss or dignity panics. They thinking they'll surely get in trouble for perceived porn watching. It's like when you sneak onto your roommates computer or send your friend a file in college where the recipient would have to turn up the volume really loud to hear some asinine and random musing before being interrupted by an ungodly loud person screaming, "You like dicks!" I swear, this one ad is going to get ever guy in the country in trouble and we didn't even do anything. It's not our fault some asshole made a banner ad with sound. And it's not like we're going to porn sites and getting this. It's happening on your regular everyday blogs, news sites, ect. Something needs to be done.


A crime has been committed. Something so reprehensible it pains me to bring it up here but the demons must be exorcised. 2007 is not going to be a good year. Hell, the year may already be ruined because of this. I'm going into cave and hibernating like a bear. But instead of staying in for the winter, I'm hiding all year and coming out next spring (not like that).

If you haven't guessed it by now, Beyonce is on the cover of the '07 SI swimsuit issue. I repeat, "that's not even her real hair" Beyonce is on the cover of the swimsuit issue. What the hell is going on here? Have I warped to an alternate universe where annoying diva singers are considered supermodels? While Beyonce is a mildly attractive black woman with a decent body and standable face, she's no Tyra Banks in her prime. Trust me, I think she's very talented. As a singer not an actress. But when is the last time the cover of magazine sang to you? The cover of SI is for the most beautiful women and or woman in the world. Getting the cover is one of the most coveted achievements in modeling. How many of the model shot for this issue are out there crying and puking there guts up right now? I bet it's all of them. Damn you SI! You made a model cry! Now I know why I only have a subscription to ESPN the magazine. Sidenote: If any models out there need some comforting because of this unforeseen and incomprehensible turn of events, send me an email and I'll give you my address. You can live in my basement.

I can name ten women, all models, in five seconds that are better looking and more deserving than Beyo. In fact, why not put all of them on the cover at the same time. It kind of worked last year, although some of the models were a little old - and I know that's what they were going for. I can picture it now - on a beach with the sun setting over the water, a cloud passes lazily by as arms and legs entwine in the sand making a beautifully naked supermodel lesbian knot. Pulsing and contorting the knot would evolve from a square to a half hitch to a full-on carrick bend. It would be sexual and violent and people would call it art.