Sorry, I Missed That

I've come to realize I suck at acting interested when someone is talking about something I don't care about. I hope I'm unwittingly putting up the 'I'm paying attention front' enough that it's not blatantly obvious, but who knows. It's tough to tell how people perceive you because it's their view. I feel, as of late, I don't pull off the "oh, that's great", "really nice", "that's too bad" thing well. I know it's an assholish thing to do. I should act like I care for the simple reason that it's what I would want someone to do for me.

Obviously, I'm not doing it on purpose. I'm talking about friends and colleagues here. Not the annoying stranger, person you can't stand or mortal enemy. These are people that deserve my attention. Yet somehow I constantly find myself tuning them out, choosing not to engage in the conversation because I'm not interested in what they're saying. I don't want to be patronizing, but if someone is taking the effort and thought to tell me something, I should at least show them the respect of actively listening.

I don't stop what I'm doing to give someone my full attention. I will disengage from a conversation randomly if I become disinterested. I'll start whole new activities and conversation while you're still talking. I short, when it conversational wizardary, I'm a dick. It's amazing that people like me. Although, I must say that short list became one name shorter because of last night's Blue Steel fiasco.

I shouldn't have this problem. I'm not busy. I don't do anything of great importance. Hell, I should be thankful that someone is taking the time to talk to me after that messy incident with the vat of acid and my face. Not to mention, I'm a good bullshitter. Unfortunately, I can only bullshit well when I'm messing with somebody. An ass-kissing bullshitter I am not. It would probably help me out professionally if I was though.

I'm not going to say I'll try to be a better listener. I fear change, even if it's for the good. But let me say thanks to all those people who put up with my unintentional rudeness. I'll probably put you in the same position again, as you're are talking and I'm staring off into space, but you have my permission to call me on it with a swiftly kick to the baby maker.